I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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