If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
