Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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