Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
