ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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