May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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