im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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