It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
smell my finger.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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