i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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