Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
