I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
