now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
