Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
