Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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