dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
