Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
