A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
