You just made me feel so damn special
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
