his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
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No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
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The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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