I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
