mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
