Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?

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(507): View more from Minnesota

The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

You're perfectly engineered for doggy style

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.

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(954): View more from Florida

so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop

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(732): View more from New Jersey

4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move

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(425): View more from Washington

so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants

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(631): View more from New York

I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao

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