I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
