you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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