I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
