I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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