I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
