Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
