Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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