..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Who died my cat blue again?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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