I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
