I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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