Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
