Nicole vs. Life
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
