Define "chronic" masturbator.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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