Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
