maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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