The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
