I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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