Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
