She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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