I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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