just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
