East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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