tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
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I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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