yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
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This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
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I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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