my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
