shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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