I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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