I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
