In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
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He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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