from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she told me i tasted like america
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
