laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
