Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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