is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
