Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
