Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
