I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
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