Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
