you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize