I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
