hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
