Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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