The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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