I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He uses pillows to masturbate.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
