apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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