I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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