I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
