i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
