you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
