God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
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Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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