i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
