i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
