Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
