I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
