The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
