I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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