and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
